It was a strange thing to say to someone who had, at one point, been my best friend. But with people increasingly moving their communication from IRL to behind a screen, this cold behaviour has become fairly common. I must be a horrible person. I met Jess through mutual friends. Our friendship grew slowly over a few years — a text here and there, hanging out and chatting at parties, then the odd lunch.
At first, she was very supportive, calling me regularly to see how I was.
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This article was originally published on 20 October She advised me to send that person a message on Instagram asking them to get coffee. This is how it can be sometimes with those closest to us, right? I decided to keep our appointment.
Every time I would walk through her area, I would scan the wwnted, imagining what it would be like to bump into her. Well, I have. Who are the people you sometimes see at the same parties and share mutual friends, but never have one-on-one conversations? Worse, it just felt like every time I turned to her for support, it just wasn't there.
My parents' marriage became strained and, in the end, they split up. When she went through a bad break-up we ended up spending more and more time together. Jess was one of the first people I opened up to about all this. It was a waanted thing to say to someone who had, at one point, been my best friend.
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She was married now, she was working as a PA to her dad and she was moving out of the city. Most people, I thought, make friends without a strategy or game plan. Textng found myself exhausted by the idea of seeing her and dodging meet-ups, blaming work and my sister coming to town. Our friendship grew slowly over a few years — a text here and there, hanging out and chatting at parties, then the odd lunch.
I knew, deep down, that I owed her an apology. I did exactly what Bayard advised and messaged her on Instagram. But before I did, I asked Bayard for advice on what to say. I told her I almost canceled our session out of pure fried.
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I gave her a hug and, finally, said a proper goodbye. BBC Three It was when my father got into financial trouble that things started to change. I met Jess through mutual friends.
After a few awkward minutes of getting used to sharing the same air again, we started to catch up on the last three years. :. The trust in our friendship was gone - on both sides.
I updated her on my new job, the highs and lows of online dating and saving for a deposit. Although I was well into my twenties, the idea that my home life was so unstable and my parents were scrambling around trying to survive was deeply upsetting. I felt terrible.
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I felt ready to hear what Bayard had in store for me and was happy to know that there were only three challenges she wanted me to tackle over the next month to help me make friends. I knew it was up to me to get things started. At first I just put it down to the give and take of friendship. Bayard was patient and listened to me vent. To paraphrase Maya Angelou, people might forget what you said and did but people will never forget how you made them feel — and I had made her feel awful.
I was in the middle of a meeting at work a few months later, when my phone flashed.
But in reality, I knew this was probably the last time I would see her. I was in pieces. The first thing Bayard advised me to do was take inventory of people I know and who they know.
I wrote each challenge down and devoted at least one week to following through on them. Looking back, I can see now the task of figuring out who you are in your mid-twenties can santed stressful and daunting. Slowly, I stopped texting her back — once, twice, three times.
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One - would circle back to her problems. It felt weird to think she was so nearby and I found myself typing her a message. Even the ones where, in theory, she was trying to help me work through my family worries.
I rarely made it through a day without escaping to the office toilet to cry. I realised she just enjoyed moaning about them to anyone who would listen. Start there.
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But after a few weeks that wore off and suddenly I found myself thinking how self-involved she seemed. Every conversation.
I must be a horrible person.